ReRunning & Writing

  Another week of running is done, and I added lifting this past week, too. I’m on Day 56 of my run streak, and I’m feeling good. My legs were tired during the week, so I did easier runs this weekend and didn’t do anything long. No need to rush the distance training. I am really trying to listen to my body and do what’s best for it. I owe it after all the years of hating it and doing everything I could to diminish it.  I love having a new running buddy. I miss Moo a lot still, and sometimes Oscar is so much like him. He’s a wonderful, little dude in his own right, too. I love watching him discover things and experience so much of life for the first time. He’s also a really good runner most days, and he’s getting faster and faster. He definitely pushes me some days. He’s a good trainer. 😆 So, I finally dragged myself back to my weight room, and I am a changed woman. There is honestly nothing (exercise-wise) that I love more than lifting. I had been feeling really low energy, t...

  I’ve been battling with my brain lately. I have managed to run every day, and I am on Day 50 of my running streak. That’s great. It is important to my mental health to be outside and moving every single day. But, I have been struggling with doing longer runs. I have been craving a nice, long run, but every weekend when the time comes, I begin the battle with my brain, and I lose every time.  Until this past weekend. I finally managed to drag myself out of the house and do a 5 mile run. In my mind that doesn’t seem like much. My idea of distance has been warped since the first time I trained for a marathon. I’m working on staying present in this moment and accepting where I am at today . It’s been a real challenge. I remember when things were so much easier. I remember when I was driven to push myself all the time and was young enough to recover quickly. The truth is, I have let life toss me around a bunch since then - it’s been a decade. I am not where I was back then, but ...

  What is enough ? This question plagues me in one form or another pretty much daily and has for my entire life. I didn’t think of it that way as a kid, but I was constantly trying to prove that I was enough . Just enough. Because you don’t want to be too much either, and I tended to overcorrect in that direction.  Even when I was being too much , the other side of the coin was that I wasn’t enough of something else. There was no balance. I was never just enough . And, I have spent my whole life chasing this idea. As if it was something outside of myself and I could fix it if I just could catch up. That’s another cruel joke played on people with CPTSD. You’re so grown up and mature for your age - until you actually grow up and realize (or don’t sometimes) how woefully behind you are. I was a problem child. I mean, not really, but that was the narrative. Honestly, compared to a lot of people (including some of the people who labeled me), I have led a pretty dull life. I dran...