ReRunning & Writing

Today is my birthday. I am 42 years old. It’s an age I never expected to see. For my entire life, I believed I would not live past 40. I just couldn’t see past that point, and honestly, if things had not changed, if I had not changed, that definitely could have been the outcome. Luckily, I am doing the hard work and exploring the shadows of my past. Healing is far from easy. It hurts. At times, it sucks. But, then you start seeing the growth and the progress. You start to feel better. At 42, I am entering this unforeseen year actually, for the first time ever, truly loving myself. I am still working, and there is a lot still to do, but this is huge for me. I have a lifetime of hating myself - everything I could possibly think of, I hated vehemently. I am an emotional person, and the hatred was powerful. I took my bullies’ words and ran with them, committed them to memory, and lived by them. For a lifetime. Maybe it is a kind of death. Ego death? Not that I am claiming to not still fa

 January of 2023 can be summed up in two words: Imposter Syndrome. The beginning of the calendar year is always a battle. This year has actually been better than usual. The winter has been much warmer and gentler, and getting outside is so important for maintaining good mental health. Even so, it's been a bit rough. Every year has been improving, so I am hopeful that I'll have an even, calm January at some point. It's definitely getting closer. I had such lofty hopes this year. I always do. This year I did better with that, too, but I once again did not consider my January struggles when making my plans.  Anyway, back to the Imposter. One of my plans for the very start of the year was a virtual 5k for a group that I have been chosen to be an ambassador for in 2023. It's called Still I Run, and it's all about using running to help manage mental health. Part of being an ambassador is posting about how I use running to handle my own challenges. I was so excited to be s