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Revel in the Goodness


 


This week my training took a hit. I got a bad cold and was also dealing with some stored stress and trauma that gave me a massive headache that lasted four days. If you've read The Body Keeps Score, you have read about how the body can hold onto traumatic events, and it can manifest repeatedly as physical pain and tension. There's an emotional component to this as well, but for today, I want to talk about the physical aspect because it blows my mind.

It's also made a huge difference in my healing. Knowing that sometimes the tension and anxiety is old and not actually happening in the moment can really help me to talk myself down in the moment. It also shows me when I need to give myself a break and be gentle.

So, I was going through it this past week, and I chose to adjust my goals for the week. It was the right decision, but it broke the momentum I had and causes some internal chaos. The ADHD brain is in full effect.

I didn't do a long run this week. I was supposed to do 10 miles, but I had no energy and couldn't breathe. Plus the intense tension in my back, neck, and shoulders and the massive headache. I couldn't even imagine putting my body through anything else. I did do short runs because being outside in the fresh air made me feel better, and movement would alleviate the pain for a little while. I brought Moo with me, and we had a great time.

This caused me once again to question which I want to do more; distance or a streak? I love running. I love distance running. But, I also love daily running. I feel like I kind of need it. Can I do it all? Do I need to define it? Like I said, my brain was going haywire. I still haven't made a decision about this one, honestly. We'll see what this next week brings.

Another thing I need to consider is the 30 day yoga challenge. I have committed to it, and I know it is benefitting me. I managed to do five days in a row, but then I needed a break. Everything else from the week made it really difficult, and restarting yoga also made me super sore - especially in my shoulders. I decided to take the weekend off. My shoulders hurt too much.

So, this week I am starting with Day 6. My challenge will take more than 30 days, I guess. I'm fine with that. I am feeling the benefits of last week's efforts, and I am ready for more. 

My meditation goals has been mostly on point for the week. I missed one day. I am really seeing the benefits of consistent meditation. It feels good to have control over my emotions. I've never had this before. I really enjoy not having to wallow in my sadness anymore. I'm seeing my growth, and I love it. 


The work to get here has been exhausting. There is no denying how hard it is to change and grow. Right now, I want to pause. I am tired. I want to continue the habits I have in place, but for now, that is plenty. I'm not adding more.

I read that with healing comes a lethargy. A lack of motivation. Because I have spent my entire life working to please everyone else. To be the person I thought I had to be. Constantly putting on a mask to try (and fail) to be accepted. Constantly trying to prove my worth and earn love. It's exhausting. Now, I am healing and learning to love and accept myself as I am. I don't really care about being anything else anymore. I don't have the energy or the interest anymore. I just want to rest. I've never felt like I could before now. It didn't feel safe.

I think the meditation and yoga are really showing me the value of the present moment, and by extension, the present me. It feels good. I am tired of living in the past. There is nothing for me there. Not then and not now. I have so much good around me, and I am learning now that I deserve it. I'm going to revel in it. For all the years I lost wallowing in my sadness, I am going to make up for it now. 

What goodness can you revel in today? 

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