Skip to main content

The Most Vibrant Shade of Green




Beginning Week 2, and things have already hit a snag. I was sore last week and skipped the last run. My reasoning was that the first run of this week was the same workout. But... then I changed things up a bit... again.... I can never leave a plan alone.

This time I had a somewhat good reason. I went for my first run outside in a while, and I also ran at one of me and Moo's usual running spots. It was not easy. It was a beautiful day and a perfect temperature. Everything is the most vibrant shade of bright green right now. 



Something is definitely missing from this picture.




I cried again during my run (which is mainly what changed my run today). It was less this time, though. Maybe I'll eventually get through one without crying at all. 



The goal for the rest of this week is to get back on track with the training plan. It should be easier to get back out on the trails again now that I've done one. Today was too perfect to pass up.


I'm glad I could go back. I do love running, and I want to continue. It's just been hard with the massive impact of his missing presence. Dogs are too good. 

Well... keep on going. Keep trying. I tend to have a slump in the second week of any program. The first week is all excitement and motivation. Then reality sets in. The enormity of it. The time and commitment needed. It seems daunting. 

But, I am ready for a challenge. This week I just need to get through. Do the other workouts as written and get it done. No thinking. No reasoning. No changes. 

I've had enough change for a while. I could use some routine.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Worthy of Love

It's been a while since I posted anything. Honestly, the last post was right at the beginning of a bout of depression. If you've experienced it, you know how exhausting it can be. I just didn't have the energy to write. I felt fake. I like to keep a positive attitude, but during these dips, I just can't. I felt like I should be open about this area of my life as well as the more positive stuff. I want to be open and honest here. It’s the only way to heal. I did write something, but then I doubted myself and didn’t post it. I struggle with any kind of perceived weakness. I was raised to believe I had to always be strong, stoic, unshakable. That doesn’t work. It can for quite a while, but eventually the pressure is too much. Denying emotions and not learning from them doesn’t lead anywhere good. And, it’s definitely not healthy. Anyway, I was putting too much pressure on myself and getting overwhelmed. I decided to take a break for the end of the summer. I had a list of t...

Just Enough

  What is enough ? This question plagues me in one form or another pretty much daily and has for my entire life. I didn’t think of it that way as a kid, but I was constantly trying to prove that I was enough . Just enough. Because you don’t want to be too much either, and I tended to overcorrect in that direction.  Even when I was being too much , the other side of the coin was that I wasn’t enough of something else. There was no balance. I was never just enough . And, I have spent my whole life chasing this idea. As if it was something outside of myself and I could fix it if I just could catch up. That’s another cruel joke played on people with CPTSD. You’re so grown up and mature for your age - until you actually grow up and realize (or don’t sometimes) how woefully behind you are. I was a problem child. I mean, not really, but that was the narrative. Honestly, compared to a lot of people (including some of the people who labeled me), I have led a pretty dull life. I dran...

Going for the Rose Gold

  Over the last decade I have been scattered all over the place. I was trying to compartmentalize my life into categories, but it's not working. I need to bring my pieces back together.  So, this blog is going to be revamped a little. Yes. I am a survivor of CPTSD and a narcissistic parent. I will still blog about my healing journey, but I don't want to be limited to that only. Life is not my past pain. Life is right now. This moment. And, I'd rather write about living. I am healing and really working to live my best life. I've spent my entire existence working to please other people, being who I thought they wanted me to be. I have no idea who I am, and I'm using this time to figure it out.  I like what I am finding.  As part of my healing, I have been meditating every day. I use several different types of meditation, both guided and unguided. One of the guided meditations brought a vision of a potential future me. She was happy and healthy and outside running. Eve...