What If Nothing's Wrong

Sooo.... about that daily journaling thing... that didn't happen. But, I did keep up with my training plan. Week one is complete.

It went really well. I like the way this program is structured. It’s working for me. I didn’t realize how much it was affecting me to be sitting at a desk so much, but I feel 1000% better this week doing daily training.

I have to admit, I did skip one workout. The last run of the week. It was a crazy busy day as well as 90 degrees and humid in the morning and then crazy thunderstorms all afternoon. I was also tired and achy from increasing my activity so much this week. It just didn’t happen.

In the past, I would beat myself up over messing up the program. I was raised to constantly strive for perfection and then berate myself when I inevitably failed – because, guess what? Perfection is unattainable and a pointless endeavor.

I have spent my whole life looking for everything that was wrong, and making things up if nothing seemed off. I craved the highs and lows - the drama of it all. It’s extremely addictive.

Lately, I have been countering my anxiety (and all of these old habits) with the question - what if nothing’s wrong?

And, it works. It stops me in my tracks. I am so used to feeling negatively that when things are good, I feel uncomfortable. It feels like something is wrong, but really nothing is. So, what if nothing is wrong? And that’s the feeling? Can I get past it? Enjoy the calm of nothingness?

It’s been a useful way to break the anxiety loop. I stop and try to pinpoint what it is I am worried about, and usually, it’s nothing. Literally nothing.

Anyone else a recovering perfectionist? Let me tell you right now that you are 100% fine just as you are at this moment. Nothing needs to be better. You are not lacking. You are fine. You are perfect in your imperfection.

Nothing is wrong.

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