I haven’t posted in quite awhile. I’ve tried to write a few times, but nothing ever felt right. My mental health took a bit of a dip, and I needed to focus solely on that for a little while. I did a lot of thinking, which I’m sure will turn up in the blog sooner or later, but for today, I want to keep it light and talk about running.
My puppy, Oscar, has been with us for almost 2 months, and he and I have been running together. He’s a really quick learner and runs really well already (after he gets some good sniffing in). Once I knew he was into running and able to handle it, I started a run streak again. It is my favorite way to run, and I just need to be out there every day right now. It keeps me peaceful, and the boy loves it, too. We’re on Day 19.
Tomorrow, he might have to run with someone else because I need a long run. My sleep has been really messed up, and though I wanted to run long, I didn’t. I was too exhausted. However, he is settling into a pretty good sleep schedule, and I am finally getting more than a few hours of sleep. Plus, it is perfect running weather. It’s the beginning of fall in Vermont, and the leaves are gorgeous. The weather is cool and sunny, and I am excited to spend a couple hours out there tomorrow.
Running has a huge effect on my mental health right now, and I am thrilled that the habit of running everyday has not faded. I slipped right back into it and so far have not had a day where I really had to force myself to run. Of course, it's still early. I know those days are coming.
I took Oscar on a hiking trail the other day. The leaves were just turning, and it was one of the first perfect fall days. The trail is a part of the Long Trail, which runs the length of the state. This part is one I have hiked tons of times. I knew we weren’t going to get anywhere near the top, nor did I want to push him too much. He’s still little, and I mostly just wanted to introduce some uphill because we normally run on a flat trail.
He loved it. There wasn’t a lot of running on the way up because he was sniffing every couple of steps. I was happy to let him. He was so excited, and it also gave me time to just stand in the quiet of the woods. It’s my absolute favorite place to be, probably the closest thing I have to religion is being out in nature. There were moments of pure quiet, where even Oscar stopped snuffling, and the only sound was the leaves falling. It was magical.
I haven’t been hiking in quite a while, and I missed the trees. I grew up playing by myself in the woods for hours, and I am most at peace out among the trees. I love the quiet. It gives me a chance to just breathe. Sometimes to think, but honestly, it mostly just gives me a moment of pure quiet. To be nothing but another part of nature.
Hiking is a complicated thing for me. The actuality of it is the best. I love hiking. In the past, however, I have had some complicated feelings around hiking. It’s mixed into some really painful times in my life, and some moments that I would rather forget. And, I can also now admit that I have been lost in my memories and feelings for way too long. You have to go there for healing, but it’s also necessary to disconnect from them and not live in the past. That’s been a tough one for me.
Maybe that’s what I mean when I am talking about a moment of pure silence. Maybe instead of being nothing in that moment, it is actually a moment of truly being. Existing just in that space. In that exact point in time. Maybe this happens all the time for other people. I have no idea. I have a neurodivergent brain, and it runs wild most of the time. I am almost never fully present in a moment. I wish I could be. It’s one of the most peaceful feelings I have ever experienced. I’m working on it. And, I really value every time it happens. I’ve healed enough to finally know what peace feels like, and I want more.
Hiking with a puppy, however, is not super peaceful. Though seeing him so excited did fill me with joy. Oscar likes to run back any time we do an out-and-back, and apparently mountains are no exception. I have not trail run in quite some time, and it was a little sketchy on the way down. I still have him on-leash for now, and it was all I could do to keep up without falling face first down the mountain. I’ve seen someone do that, and it’s ugly. No thank you.
This guy is going to challenge me. The Moon dog and I started running together when he was older and fatter. He was also a much more timid and anxious dog. Oscar is wild in the very best ways. He’s a good listener and runs well, but he is also high energy and not 100% fully grown. He already is pushing my super slow pace and my fear of falling down a mountain. I’m excited to see what happens when he’s fully grown, and I am so looking forward to our years of adventures ahead.
That’s what I’ve got for now. I am hoping to post more regularly. The goal is to do a long run every weekend and slowly build distance as well as keep up my run streak. Hopefully, tomorrow will be the beginning of that plan. Otherwise, I’m just going to keep running and loving the time with my new running buddy.
Do you run with your dog? I’d love to hear about it!
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